just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.