there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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