If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
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like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
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I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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