Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize