So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
