i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
