Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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