I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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