What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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