i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
