Its about making memories worth repressing
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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