Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
