Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
