Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
