No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
