Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I checked into jail on foursquare
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
