Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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