My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
