I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
