We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
