You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
