Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
