batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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