is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
