I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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