I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
