am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
