I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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