My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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