Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
