so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Congratulations! We have a period
I party with great urgency now.
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