Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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