3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
