fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
