i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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