Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
