Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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