bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My penis needs a shock collar
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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