I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
