My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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