I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
