Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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