My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
