i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
