I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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