did you get engaged???
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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