What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
