we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
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it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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