Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
