that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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