Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
