i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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