You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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