I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
