i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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