So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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