Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
