all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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