I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
