girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
