I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize