This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
