I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
