How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
