Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
