the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.