I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos