you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
