I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER