Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.