I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
