Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
