Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
