I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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