dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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