Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
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