we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
