She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
