You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
