Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
