u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
