Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
